タママ二等兵の日記

タママ二等兵の日記

毎日のお菓子．．．

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[	食べました	\|	全部お菓子	]

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Links:

太陽の光住まい水酸素

]

my life is my own. it's not for you to judge.	[Nov. 22nd, 2009\|12:46 pm]
i looked back and all i see is such an angry and miserable individual. they say that as one grows older, it gets easier to accept harsh realities and obstacles that come their way. why do i feel like that is so not happening to me? i am not ready to give up my life for others so do not tell me "it is time, it is not fair, isn't it only right?" who's to say what's right or wrong in life? one's life is in one's own hands. i may not make the most sound decisions in my life, but it is mine to live, to dictate, to destroy. if he has no complaints and neither am i in a rush, is it too much to ask for, to just stop at this moment in time? we don't have to live our lives by other people's books. if my parents did it, it doesn't mean i have to. even if the rest of the world is doing it, it doesn't mean i have to live the same fate. you may disagree, despise, frown upon my ways, i am fine with it. just stop convincing me to change my ways. i may hate you for the person you are, but i will not try to change you. i hope you respect me the same way. the last thing anyone wants, is to force me into something i despise. i become hateful, disgruntled and i will end up hating you. pls don't make me turn into a person i don't want to become. if life is really easier and happier this way now, should i make a move that could make this all go away? do i want to take the risk because others deem this to be the "right time", "the right thing", the "inevitable"? no i don't. i am not ready to share this life with others. until then.
Link	お菓子ちょうだい

you stupid fruit and bear bitches.	[Sep. 23rd, 2009\|01:47 am]
1) stupid fruit who can't tell a peach from an apricot in japanese language even though she is taking jlpt 2 this year. her whining is really getting on my nerves especially when i am all caught up in work. it's the way she does it in that repulsive repressive manner that's nerve wrecking. it'a almost timid but yet still so full of herself. if she had the guts she should really stand up for what she believe. if she felt so strongly about the way other people do things, why does she choose to quietly sit back and accept it? only choosing to whine to me. i am not asking her to lash out and make life hell for people but there are other indirect ways to tame people other than blatantly asking them to adhere to you. this is why i maintain my motion - her eq is low. she totally has no idea how to treat and build rapport with others. all she knows is - do her part, and if others throw anything her way that prevents her from doing so, she becomes the whiny bitch. o there's this very fine line she constantly treads in conversations with me these days. the minute she whines i really get all disgusted. i am sorry but that's the way it's turn out to be. and how she threw me off with that whole bullshit last month when i tried to be helpful? my conclusion is that i have been told not to suggest and shut it if i reject whatever i suggested. the truth is I AM NOT in your shoes, not doing your job, why don't you be a professional and tell me if it works or not. justify it and i will accept it i trust your judgment more than mine. i can describe but the end result may be different because our minds do not work the same way. in the end i got shot, blamed for making suggestions and then rejecting them. so now i would rather not suggest at all. for all the help that i gave her, i think she is really an ingrate. 2) the black and white bear that disappointed me thru and thru. i don't know how to face her anymore and i am going to think hard about it these days. my feelings now border between hate and frustration. thinking of how i can just throw her to one side. make her leave me alone without causing a ruckus. i am no longer hurt but angry and mad at people who are so insensitive with their words. and unfortunately when it comes to me, these words are now like shards deeply embedded in my heart. and with every bitter thought, they just sink deeper. first i am already disgusted by the skinny bitches who like complaining they are fat. (i really must learn to keep my reactions to myself, no more consolation u bitches. i am not going to let u feel good at my expense). secondly this skinny bear has to hit me with that "i think u have put on weight" comment. do u really really really have nothing else better to say and in that tone of voice?!? i just feel like deleting u from my twitter right now! and u are another whiny bitch whom i really started out pitying for having stupid bosses. but your increasing dependency on me creeps me out. and how u complain about the stupidest things sometimes makes me scoff deep inside. i hate it. i hate your whining your endless complaints about the same things everyday. and all your stupidity and ignorance for being in an internet driven business and knowing shit about it. i am sorry but u are really not that fantastic. STOP CALLING ME TO COMPLAIN AT WORK. now i must find ways to get rid of u. your wedding days will be the last time i do any big personal favours for you. anything else from then on, is strictly work and business. play? with no emotional investment. first problem to think about - how to get rid of coffee outings in the morning. must i lay blame on my bosses and say they are uncomfortable with that outing? i can think of no other way. or insist that i have had breakfast and i don't need any. i will find some way. BECAUSE I REALLY HATE YOU NOW.
Link	お菓子ちょうだい

o that preacher peach of shit.	[Aug. 4th, 2009\|01:06 am]
she's CRAZY. i swear. i used to think that i may have the patience and tolerance and i respect that everyone has differences but when those differences get onto my nerves, it develops into a form of loathing. i don't really want it to become that but sometimes... it just...hits you when you least expect it. 1)her eq must be extremely low you know how sometimes you just want to lament and complain about something. but not be told what you could or shouldn't have done? or how you could have prevented it? there are moments when people are really seeking for advice i.e. when they literally ask for it. and also the times when you just want someone to listen! she just cannot seem to tell the difference and it's very annoying to have someone tell you what's the right thing to do what you needed was a listening ear? it's almost as if she really thought i actually did not know any better? for example i said i may want to punch my orthodontist for doing the same thing she did to me last month. what better way to comfort or comment on my thoughts than "o that can't be helped right. lol" FUCK YOU. unless 1) you want to console me 2) ask me how i coped with it 3) have something witty to say 4) even if at my expense, if it's funny i can take it. if you are going to give me a dampener... seriously fuck off. the last thing i want is that preacher's shit from you.
Link	お菓子ちょうだい

little things from you, mean the world to me.

[Jul. 19th, 2009|11:53 pm]

[	所在	\|	chair	]
[	聴いて	\|	i love you - sarah mclachlan	]

even though we are far apart, we catch movies together.

the night begins with the message or call to each other. we fix a time, we get on the site. we start playing the video at the same time, even pausing at the same time if need be, just to make sure we are playing right at the same pace.

i really treasure these synchronised moments. even thought we are a distance apart, it almost makes me feel he's just right there beside me.

tochuu, i heart you for these little things. no matter how little, they are part of the most beautiful moments in my mind.

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

[Jul. 6th, 2009|12:08 am]

[	所在	\|	chair	]
[	聴いて	\|	inconvenient ideal - deg	]

i am so so glad that i let it all out.
so so glad that i told z and mm.
finally, it feels a little lighter but i am still reeling from the nerves from it all.

i did something grave and terribly, blocking all these friends i have just because of that one single person. but i did not have a choice, they are too closely knitted and i can't just ignore one. it's a terrible move but one i have made out of desperation in my mind. i couldn't stand all that wondering and stress from having to meet up. my mind will just wonder and ...even if there is no mention of it again, it will still be hovering above me.

and no those posts dont mean my sanity is back because my sanity was never gone to begin with. HAH. yes i still can't help being the snide being.

being the escapist i am, so much easier to run away from it all. as i told z, i don't mean to but it's always easier. and who would want to take the more difficult way out of things?

if they tell me i can take as much time as i want to get rid of all these hurt i have inside me, can i just declare that they will never be rid of? and does that mean i will never ever see them or at least that one person again? i wanted to believe that i was much more magnanimous and forgiving as a person, but it seems like i am not that great a person after all.

but z and mm, thank you for being there and understanding. it is friends like these whom i know will never judge me and let me be who i am without imposing their opinions on me. unfortunately i am a person who cares too much about what others think and every criticism has great impact on me.

and bottomline is yes, i am still not comfortable with affection. it is much more likely to drive me away. so pls spare me the words of wisdom, niceness, comfort that makes me cringe and terrified more than anything else.

but i know, tochuu-chan, you know me best. because nothing else matters more than what we have between us. and the reason's it's being so untainted is because whatever i have done and believed in, solely comes from within myself with no external influence. i turn to no one about my beliefs in you, i don't want to because i know what everyone else will say, i can predict the skepticism that will seep in. and you know what? i can have all the skepticism and cynicism in the world for everything else out there but i will definitely have NONE for you. happiness, smiles, warmth, love, only when i am with you, can i feel all of these with no reservations. at all.

thank you my favourite chubby tadpole.

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

where have i been?

[May. 23rd, 2009|10:38 pm]

[	所在	\|	chair	]
[	心的状態	\|	blank	]
[	聴いて	\|	silent hill homecoming - elle theme	]

i am sinking.

i can't pick myself up anymore.
i don't know what to do. maybe i need therapy. like really badly.

i had this utmost urge to tell Z but i dint know how to begin and i knew she already had problems of her own. what would it do to burden her with mine?

i wanted to tell mm. but ... probably nothing would come out of it.

i am contemplating the retreat again. i know it's going to be good for me. clear my mind of all this shiet i have accumulated over the past year, but the world's been plagued with the swine flu and the last thing i need to do is to catch it and die.

.. or...

maybe catching it and dying isn't such a bad idea after all.

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

	[Apr. 6th, 2009\|10:38 pm]
it rings so true in my heart it creeps me out a little. but i can't help feeling sad when i hear it. because it just stings everytime i play it all over again. * this one (crying like a child) -宇多田ヒカル- How can I put this I... I... I... I'm an independent woman I... I've been crying like a child I just wanted you to know the person that I am More than any other of your fans I will love you for a thousand years Yours truly I ain't gonna play it cool Let me tell you I've tried that already Everyday and every night Your words ring through me Who am I trying to fool Honey I've been living on my own like Freddie But I'm still a woman Baby tell me how How could I ever love another How could you say you don't remember God knows I'd give anything For just one more night together Today I miss you more than ever How could you say you don't remember This one's for the happiness I'll be wishing you forever It's just another friday night For you and your accessory (lights) And there you are before my eyes Two hours and for fifteen minutes You are here I don't wanna scream Lest I should tear But whisper in the darkness disappear Sincerely We should get back on the road Like Simon and Garfunkel Let's get married You are all the shelter that I need above me Who am I trying to fool Honey I got your ringtone on my Blackberry And I won't give a damn If only I knew how How could I ever love another How could you say you don't remember God knows I'd give anything For just one more night together Today I miss you more than ever How could you say you don't remember This one's for the happiness I'll be wishing you forever You got me crying like a child Ain't no need for me to lie A hundred jpeg files Filling up my hard drive You got me crying like a child And the crowd is going wild This one This is the one Come on and give it up How could I ever love another How could you say you don't remember God knows I'd give anything For just one more night together Today I miss you more than ever How could you say you don't remember This one's for the happiness I'll be wishing you forever How could I ever love another How could you say you don't remember God knows I'd give anything For just one more night together Today I miss you more than ever How could you say you don't remember This one's for the happiness I'll be wishing you forever * if this is what i think it is... i believe the song is about how a fan seems to be very much deeply in love with an artiste or something along those lines... 2 hours and 15 mins sounds like the duration of a concert....hundreds of jpegs files sound like she has been collecting pictures of him...more than any other of his fans...and the crowd's going wild.. yes i felt like i could love him for a thousand years. it's so true it's really not that great a feeling to admire him anymore... it's one thing to know and feel it all...and yet another to describe such feelings, penned out in words for you. as it plays, everything just seems to unfold before you... it's resonating it's becoming scary. because what you want is right in front of you, but you know it's short-lived. and that's why there's this gnawing feeling i get when i think about trying to see him in concert. sometimes i really wish. if only i knew how....how could i love another? i just found my song.
Link	お菓子ちょうだい

	[Mar. 31st, 2009\|10:59 pm]
how can i be good at something i hate? but i have been told that i am. fark. and sad truth is, my ego refuses to let me do shoddy stuff. and this is why...i hate writing. the process stresses me out even if means i can produce a relatively good piece of work. i really hate it, after all.
Link	お菓子ちょうだい

[Mar. 30th, 2009|11:52 pm]

[

聴いて

his voice

]

rekindled again!!!

i can't believe myself!
it's like what...our 10th year anniversary probably. lol.

sigh that man really has me eating out of his hand...
but he will never know.

everytime it just feels like i have never seen him so for too long.

***

just like what i told my friend, if i can't have something forever, i would rather not have it at all. that's just the kind of person i am. weird as it may sounds, but the fear of losing is too scary a thought for me.

it frustrates me and after returning from japan, i realise that this is definitely true.
withdrawal's never been so long. it's like the minute you touch down here, you just wished you were right there again.

and there are so many things i have yet to do, see...and everything else that i wish to accomplish...i don't have much time left and i don't want to wait till i am 30. so i am going to try my damned hardest to get there!

omgomg there he is ! that video...
it's killing me!!!!!!

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

	[Feb. 15th, 2009\|06:35 am]
another year has passed. 17 feb is coming again. each time as he gets older, i become more worried about the chances of me seeing him. i definitely miss him all the time, each time i see him is like rekindling the flame of love. yes love because it's been 10 years. feels like a marriage but...so near yet so far. he's dear to my heart, but further from me in reality than i have ever realised. well, at least i know, we are going to be in the same country this coming spring, what are the chances of me...seeing him? bleak but i am hopeful. * definitely off to japan in spring, i just don't know what to expect. first i wonder if my brother will be a good travel companion. at the rate he has been responding to me in terms of reliability so far, i am really not sure. but then again i think it's a good chance for us to really learn to depend on each other. i know i am passionate about the trip and i want to make everything right, that may possibly backfire on my temper and patience though. i have to learn to calm down and take it in my stride. tokyo for 7 days... maybe kamakura or yokohama... kyoto...you will have to wait. * i love 夏目友人帳! it's fast becoming my favourite anime. has such little touching and heart warming moments that i just feel all nice and at ease in my mind. especially episode 5. it really almost did it for me, when the youkai climbed to the top of the tree and realised why reiko had left his or her slip of name there. just so that she could finally get a fantastic view of the sea, like how she had always hoped for. such a beautiful ending. and nyanko-sensei is like the epitome of a cat that i would want. chubby and greedy : ) and sometimes really stupid. lol. but oh sooo endearing. *** to be continued.
Link	お菓子ちょうだい

25 random things.

[Feb. 8th, 2009|12:51 am]

[	所在	\|	dreams	]
[	聴いて	\|	dress / buck-tick	]

～～～～～（「－－；）～～～～～
feels like i just spent half my life on completing this.

1. i love the break of dawn but i miss it most of the time.

2. i am convinced everyone needs to hate sometime. visit hatebook.com and release your inner angst NOW. (plus you can read pretty funny stuff)

3. i have a penchant for all things cute and adorable. i used to spend frivolously the minute i laid eyes on them but i am trying to change that now as i am running out of space in my room. i will just visit them at those shops every week and imagine i own them or something.

4. my mom asks me this question every year "when you will stop watching cartoons?" my answer is always "never." so i don't know why she keeps asking.

5. i don't like wearing heels. flats are the best because i speed walk a lot.

6. i have regretted a lot of choices made in my life, including this recent one where i allowed my hairdresser to trim off too much of my fringe. now i just look like a school kid again. erm which isn't that bad though when you are almost 27.

7. current fav band ♥ 9goats black out ♥ - i am still deciding if i should buy their soon-to-be-released album "black rain" and yikes my stomach just growled. is that a yes?

8. if twitter were to ever become a PAID service one day, i will need rehab. by the way i recommend following darthvader if you're on twitter: this man, i mean chest unit is really amusing - read about his (hay)wired life outside of doing evil, conquering galaxies and lightsaber massacres. http://twitter.com/darthvader

9. damn. 17 more points to go before 25. damn.

10. nom nom nom nom nom chewing on a wholemeal roll while imagining it's a bar of choc.

11. i have a weakness for dogs who have a perpetual look of "please" on their face. for example: marumomope > http://img160.imageshack.us/my.php?image=awakeoc6.jpg

12. i have a weakness for cats who look like "uhhh.. wot you looking at?" for example: nyappe > http://img22.imageshack.us/my.php?image=phot0000000000019515500mt1.jpg

13. documentaries are the best.

14. no wait, anime's the best.

15. no uh, j-rock's definitely tops. since 1999.

16. my song of the year for 2008: sink - 9goats black out

17. 最近玄米茶は煎餅のにおいがあるようなので大好きです。

18. to challenge myself: 日本語で25個の他の物事を書くつもりです。

19. still deciding if i should head to japan in march/april. i shouldn't be deciding. i HAVE to go.

20. after japan, what i need is ps3 to welcome final fantasy xiii.

21. ok before ps3, i still need to finish legend of zelda: twilight princess on wii. BROTHER WHEN ARE YOU BRINGING THE DAMN WII BACK?

22. the picture of dorian gray is my all-time favourite book - i love dark and pretty men - their sins are forgivable.

23. as you can see from my picture, i wish my fringe would grow twice as fast now. the rest of my hair can slow down just a little.

24. everytime i see emperor penguins, i think of fat tubes of toothpaste tobogganing on ice. i like animals but i truly heart these chubbies the most.

25. damn it's 25 and i've just thought of another million things to say. next time, it will be be "1,000,025 things about myself".

YES I AM DONE. time to celebrate.

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

	[Feb. 4th, 2009\|10:30 pm]
it's not a good idea to receive tweetbeep alerts on kate spade when you are trying to save up. furthermore, a whole bunch!? die.
Link	お菓子ちょうだい

	[Feb. 4th, 2009\|08:30 pm]
a.. insane journal. you're working! i love momope to bits and now if i had nyappe with me. the world would be chaotic.
Link	お菓子ちょうだい

[Jan. 18th, 2009|02:17 pm]

[	Tags	\|	momope	]
[	聴いて	\|	deathgaze - sinner	]

aw i love momope to bits.

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

２００８、さよなら！２００９、いっらしゃいませ！！！！

[Jan. 4th, 2009|05:06 pm]

[	所在	\|	chair	]
[	心的状態	\|	blank	]
[	聴いて	\|	sink - 9goats black out	]

2008 has been a really chaotic year for me. some changes i have made in my life were pretty drastic in the eyes of others, but to me, meaningful as i am still trying to live by them.

ever since 2007, when i was told that i have piled on the pounds, i have been depressed and fighting terribly hard against it. there were many times when i told myself that i wanted to just turn anorexic and go to hell with it, only because i really imagined my life to be so much easier, if i could only look in the mirror and feel good about myself. because other than this, i feel like i had nothing else to bank on. people often told me how nice and considerate i am, but these things seem to be a compensation for my lack of aesthetic beauty, because truly when you have no external beauty to boast of, you can only flourish from inside out and that's inner beauty at your best. still, i knew that no matter how nice i was, i was so dashed when told that i had put on weight. it was like the sky had crashed upon me. i was constantly trapped under that heavy bulk of a rubble, i had no way to run and i just wanted to wither and die. honestly it wasn't just the words, it was the look of.. of... i can't even begin to describe it, i don't even want to think about it.

until october 2007, i was trapped in a body that i hated, a face that i still loathe even after 26 years of my life, my self-imagery is poor and if given a choice, i may secretly consider cosmetic surgery if given to me at no cost. LOL. but of course that was wishful thinking. and then in august, i heard about this detox programme that could help me to shed some weight and me and my friend z, embarked on a journey, searching for it. admittedly all i wanted to do was lose weight but i found a lot more, my only problem was having the resolve to keep up with the mindset that changed in me. slowly i am reverting to my old self, which is very disappointing, z has seemingly completely given up on her journey to stop emotional binging, or apparently so, i don't know. she is still one friend i cannot fathom at times and it seemed to be easier that way at times. she's too complex.

honestly, i still hate my body, i still loathe the kind of face i have. i still wished i could be stick thin, whenever i hear skinny people exclaiming how they need to lose weight, i am seriously put off and disgusted and i don't know how these people can be so inconsiderate of those who are heavier than they are. have they no eyes to see? have no conscience? are they just exclaiming for the sake of getting responses they wish to be littered with , "oh come on, you are so skinny!"

i don't know how many times i have heard it. how many times i have given the response that they wanted, and i am frankly sick and tired of it. the next time anyone says they need to lose weight, i am going to keep my mouth shut. this is my first new year resolution for 2009.

1) when people tell me how fat they are and need to lose weight? ESPECIALLY when they are the skinny bitches, i shall refuse to comment.

recently when i met chimp, i was really surprised by her decision to visit the weight management centre. i guess, she is really like me after all. there was once when we were very close-knitted friends but i think certain incidents, relationships in her life ended and that probably spelt the end of our close friendship as well. i am not too sure if it's because my presence reminds me of her, because the 3 of us used to hang out a lot together, practically inseparable for a bit. those were incredibly fun days that i could not forget...truly. i can only reminisce but if it was really for that reason i stated? i totally understand the position she is. back to her decision to visit a weight loss centre, it really shocked me because she was the last person i knew who would ever have such considerations, i can only imagine her scoffing at it and adamantly believing that exercise is the best way to losing weight. so never in my mind did i ever...

still, she seriously is going for it. makes me wonder if everything will work out for her. because honest to god! i don't see why she needs it. then again, like myself, she probably has a rather poor self-image and can never be satisfied no matter what is achieved. maybe losing that bit of weight will make her feel better, like how i have. and if that's the case, i just want to say that i will support her decision because i completely know how she feels.

more anime, more j-rock

it's been so hard to find better j-rock lately. d's status and imagery is seriously falling apart in my mind, i can't believe the kind of shiet they came up with lately. it is driving me nuts. no matter how good they looked, they are seriously lacking the musical substance of yester indie years. how i wish they never turn major. it is never RIGHT to believe that any band that goes major can stay remotely as fantastic as their indie days. even 12012 has produced some bizarre singles that did not sit too well with me. and as for deg, let's not go there. my personal affection for them stems from one man whom i have been in love with ever since 8 years ago, still going strong because he is the perfect bachelor in my life. as for music, i admit that certain albums were not too welcoming and there has been a change of drastic music direction but they have won me back with uroboros and i can truly see them NOT ever turning POP, which is a great relief and one thing i laud them for. d and 12012 is giving me too much pop now!

i miss the gothic darkness of visual kei music and i am so glad to have found 9goats black out. i see so much despondence and melancholy in their music, which is so beautifully etched in my mind everytime i listen to them. the poignancy resonates strongly and i think ryo-san must truly be a great visual music artist, who believes that music is more than just pleasure for the ears but can serve to unfold beautiful imagery that compliments melodies to a dime. truly. i am thankful for them!

and perhaps, in 2009 i hope to find many more.

i am back on the anime rampage again. and have been constantly updating my lists of "watched anime" on facebook. and i am really speeding up like nothing matters. lol. hurrah!

am watching 幕末機関説いろはにほへと now. it seems to be extremely interesting. ^^ yafoo!

i will visit japan in march / april 2009
with my own abilities, i shall make it to japan this year. toto! you will see me soon enough. with a deg concert or a 9goats black out concert will be in the pipelines if allowed! i even have a scarf and jacket ready for the season / trip! it's really pretty.

marriage in 2009? nahhhh
i still find myself to deep-seeded in my childlike ways to even consider this. and i am sure toto feels the same. still, he hasn't failed to mention this option at certain times. i have no qualms about leading a vagabond life since his career hasn't exactly taken off in the usual way you expect a salary man would. i also foresee that he will never allow himself to sit into a salary man life with his love for unruly hair and fancy dress senses and all. perhaps we will really lead the takopachi shop life in japan when the times comes. o well, who knows! lol.

**still wondering if i should go back for the high school gathering. i fear what lies ahead...

and you notice how i never talked about my job? work is just. 4 letters. SHIT.

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

私と彼氏

[Dec. 26th, 2008|07:37 am]

[

心的状態

loved

]

the morning after christmas...
never felt more blessed.
it shouldn't have to end.

stay.
after every return lies a much harder time ahead.
after every goodbye we fall apart.
but we pick the pieces.
and we'd do it again.

if it hurts to be with you
i'll seethe in pain
for the rest of my life.

merry christmas,　トトちゃん.
you are so worth it.

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

やばいー

[Dec. 26th, 2008|02:26 am]

[

心的状態

thoughtful

]

no i don't wish to return to my habit of late nights.

but i have.

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

[Dec. 21st, 2008|10:52 pm]

[	心的状態	\|	tired	]
[	聴いて	\|	sink - 9goats black out	]

i haven't updated anything bout j-rock or anime in a long while.

but it doesn't mean i have stopped watching or listening!

***

bleach ep 199
currently at ep 199, things are getting heated up and back in action with the various captains being sent to hueco mondo for the battle against the arrancars. the last few eps have been much more satisfying compared to the previous fillers. but the rate of progress is alarmingly slow and does get on my nerves at times. instead of action, i get all talk about how their powers work, all the explanations will seem really futile in real battles anyway. which enemy will tell you about their powers anyway? lol. but that seems to be the case in both naruto and bleach...perhaps other animes too, but i think these 2 are just way too detailed.

naruto shippuuden ep 89
this is one hell of another anime, that's really long and also getting on my nerves albeit it's much better now that it's back into full swing in the RIGHT arc. when it was during the filler arc, i hardly watched any episode at all. the fights are slow too but well any progress is better than none. naruto seems to be gaining power but i still see too much kage bunshin no jutsu's which is so old-school. i mean yes he can do it at an alarming scale but it's still nothing compared to kakashi's skills. so when i heard kakashi mentioned in the last episode, that naruto has surpassed him? i don't think that line is justifiable at all. kakashi, you still rule over him.

but i think sai's the best. lol.

soul eater ep 35
i think i am at ep 35 or 36. soul eater is another anime that i am constantly catching. it's also getting a litttle draggy but nothing too much for me to stomach when you have been thru naruto or bleach. right now, it seems, after the release of kishin, one of the teachers seems to be going nuts after being cursed by ...

you know what, this is one of the animes where i don't really their names very well.
that's quite sad yes, but trust me i still know what's going on.

skip beat ep 10
gawd i love this anime! first modern comedy anime that's actually piqued my interest in a long while. i have noticed my tendency to go for anime that seems to revolve around olden times but this one is really different. again, i fail to remember their names very well, so ... well u have forgive me, i have missed out on anime quite a bit after trying to catch up with house...

mouryou no hako
i am just really confused by this anime. but i still want to know what the hell's going on. so till i figured it out, i really don't have much logical stuff to say about it. cos it all doesn't make sense now.

kuroshitsuji ep 9
gawd i love this man. as in kuroshitsuji - sebastian. he's cool as hell. : ) and he is from hell. lol. i can't even being to describe ciel and sebastian's relationship. it's like...i can see ciel needs him but seems to loathe the idea but he can't help it. and sebastian seems to always gloat in the fact that ciel needs and can't do without him. what's with this boy and man? lol.

still, sebastian is such a great butler and also has killer moves to double as the bodyguard of ciel. i wish i had a man like him.

oops.

blade of the immortal ep 7
i am still waiting for the freaking subs to get out or else i am nowhere progressing for this anime. gory and bloody, this is adult anime stuff - albeit the violence! there's absolutely nothing remotely p*rnographic about this k. but i realise how weak manji is, the only reason he seems to live on is because of the curse of these parasites in his body that makes him immortal, since they always heal his wounds. but other than that, i see him getting hurt A LOT. manji, please get your act together.

vampire knight guilty ep 11
i never thought i'd say this but sometimes i am starting to dislike the pace of this anime too. i love all the men in this show, they look really devastatingly dashing and great but the story is waning a little and yuuki is getting really annoying as well. there's something about girls who wail too much and want to save the world but are always sad damsels in distress that needs to be saved instead. they end up looking weak and stupid, even though their intention's good. still, like inoue from bleach, she needs to shut up sometimes.

p*rrine monogatari ep 44
yes! i am watching an anime that features my very own name. lol. my reason for watching is simply well...yes because the main character has my name. since it is a reallly old anime, the graphics really pale in comparison with what can be achieved now. still, it's a really rather educational anime with nothing remotely violent and can only teach children to have goodness in their hearts. no wonder i see so many comments of people who said they grew up watching this, i hope they have turn into good boys and girls now.

house season 5 ep 9
i am catching house again! after such a long time, when the writers' strike was going on, i had to stop several drama series, this being one of them. and when i stop doing something, the adrenalin really stops short and it takes me a while to get started again. house as usual delivers great sarcasm but this time he faces a lot more issues at work, especially with wilson, when his horrid habit of relying on wilson gets wilson's girlfriend, amber killed. it was actually a really sad moment and amber was annoying before, but i think anyone at the brink of death is always pitiful somehow.

for a while, wilson wanted to call it quits with house, saying that he is unbelievably stubborn and he has given in enough to his childish ways.

but wilson being wilson, i knew it wouldn't last for long. lol. and seeing house trying to find a replacement for wilson, was just plain hilarious. lol.

till the next ep!

9goats black out
my new j-rock love. 9goats black out features ryo on vocals, hati on bass and utA on guitars. delivering tragically melancholic melodies that really leaves me pining for more ryo. and like z said, they all have such sexy jawlines, i just can't help but be mesmerized.

i think sink has to be the song of the year 2008 for me. yes i love sad rock ballads but what's so amazing about sink is that it gives me visual imagery like never before. similar to how sugizo did it with rest in peace and fly away, sink is a song that piques my imagination and brings scenario to mind. i guess with ryo being a designer really helps too, but the pv was just amazing. especially with him lying face down, he looked amazingly good at that angle. the truth is, they are all not that good looking, except for utA who's real smexy but i love their subtlety when it comes to photography because they don't show much of their faces but they still look fantastically dark and beautiful! i am so looking forward to the next mini album that's coming out on feb 14th! sigh ryo, your hair looks brilliant now.

and other than HIM, nobody else has looked so good with a goatee so far. it's always very easy to look untidy with facial hair but i think the both of them carry it off really well. ryo you ... rule. : ) my heart.

d - snow white
... don't even let me get started. the song itself speaks millions. it's just...honestly. disappointing. i am not even going to justify for them in any sense. signing up with a*ex really seems to be laying down their path to doom.

Link

お菓子ちょうだい

read a stupid article today.

[Dec. 16th, 2008|11:06 pm]

[

心的状態

blah

]

I am kind of appalled by the oxymoronic idiosyncrasies of the article - about growing your relationships. On one hand it asks me to make others comfortable by being friendly and genuine. On the other, i am being told to identify people who are important to my career path and extend my generosity to them. Generosity, this word of goodness, has become completely shrouded in hypocrisy here.

Seriously, is there no other way out in this way to achieve what you want, other than through manipulation and devious plots?

And this is why villains who wish to wipe out the current species of this world, seem to be doing the right thing, albeit, they will kill me as well.

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お菓子ちょうだい

what's a real fan?	[Dec. 16th, 2008\|11:03 pm]
I have seen several blogs of various marketers, sharing their experiences on the perks, quirks of their trade in every aspect possible. Unfortunately I am not one of them who are that passionate about my work. I guess work is tiring enough, why must one dedicate personal time to the profession as well? Used to be the person who believes office hours don’t end at 6 pm on the dot, now I am completely immersed in that way of life. It’s probably because my first job took 12 hours of my life everyday; now I have none left for my current. *** Exploitation at every level. I know every major band gets to some point where revenue is also a major factor to the kind of merchandise they put out to the market. If you ask me, as a strong advocate with a lot of passion for real solid quality j-rock music, sometimes it saddens me to know that some major bands become reduced to money-churning entities for their record companies. The more fans spend on you, the more exposure their companies are willing to pay for i.e. more concerts at higher prices, more posters, special video features etc. I know, nothing is for free in the world, but you see the poor fans out there that are still students, are slogging their lives away to get a part time job just to buy that next DVD you are about to release. And not to dampen the spirit of the early bird purchasers, you bring on the limited edition version, which may cost double or triple, simply because of another thrown-in DVD covering behind-the-scenes footage. I used to be the fan who wanted everything. I bought their calendar every year, every CD out there, every concert DVD imaginable. If possible, within my means, I wanted that limited edition footage. I would scour the net till death for their lovely photoshoots, because I was so fascinated by their beautiful dark imagery. Ok I still love collecting their pictures. I still buy their CDs, but I have stopped short at owning limited edition stuff, I realize no matter how much I love them before, at the end of the day I told myself their music awed me and that’s all I wanted it to be.
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